Frozen Fludgecow
Frozen Fludgecow 'is the sixtieth prank call in the Crotchety Old Man Call series. Transcript ''(ringback tone) (grocery store freezer running in background) 'Liz: '''Good morning and thank you for calling ''(censored). ''This is Liz speaking. How can I help you? '''Milton: '''D'oh! Thank God you've answered! Get me the manager pronto! '''Liz: '''Sure! Can you hold the line, please? '''Milton: '''Hurry up! ''(Milton shivers and groans) '' '''Milton: '''Feeling numb...getting weak...(moans)'' 'Liz: '''You know what? I've tried to get him- he's in the checkstand helping a customer. Can I take a message and have him call you right back? '''Milton: '''No, you can't! I'm stuck in the frozen food case! '''Liz: '''Okay. Where are you? '''Milton: '''I'm on the frozen food aisle! I reached in to get the "2-for-1 special" and there was only a few left! And I reached all the way in and I fell in! The door- boom!- slammed behind me! I'm stuck inside the case! '''Liz: '''Okay, I'll- where- okay, hold on. I'll- we'll come get you now... '''Milton: '''Who is this?! '''Liz: '''This is Li- I'm gonna come get you, okay? '''Milton: '''It's all fogged- I'm a midget! I'm small! I'm elderly and I'm only four feet tall! And I reached in and I fell in and I can't get out! It's very cold in here! '''Liz: '''Okay. Let me come get you, okay? '''Milton: '''The window is all fogged up! '''Liz: '''Okay! '''Milton: '''I was lucky to have my cellular phone! '''Liz: '''Okay. Let me come get you, okay? '''Milton: '''Keep this phone line open in case you can't find me! ''(Liz talking to co-worker in background) 'Liz: '''Okay. Hold on. ''(Liz hangs phone up) 'Milton: '''Rescue is on the way! ''(shivering) 'Liz: '''Are you at ''(censored) ''Market? '''Milton: '''Yes I am! I'm tapping on the window now! ''(Milton taps on freezer door window) 'Milton: '''I'm inside the freezer...I'm ta-can you hear me tapping?! '''Liz: '''I can! But I can't find you! Wha-are you in the frozen food section? '''Milton: '''Yes! I reached in to grab the food and I fell in 'cause I had to reach all the way-! Did you just look for me?! '''Liz: '''I am-okay, hold on! ''(Liz hangs up again) 'Milton: '''Wait a sec! Don't leave me! I'm getting cold! I feel like I'm at the top of Mount Everest! Freezing, shivering! ''(Milton stutters, shivers) 'Milton: '''Get me...OUT!!! ''(Milton furiously taps on freezer door window) 'Liz: '''Are you calling from the ''(censored) ''store? '''Milton: '''I'm calling from the frozen food cooler! Maybe you can't see me because a bunch of boxes fell in front of me! Hold on a minute! ''(Milton starts moving frozen food boxes) 'Milton: '''Let me move all these frozen dinners! '''Liz: '''Okay... '''Milton: '''Salisbury...don't leave me yet! Hold on! Let me clear the way, okay? '''Liz: '''Ok- '''Milton: '''Moving all the-! Okay! Green Giant! Frozen pizza! Hold on- hello?! '''Liz: '''I'm right here. '''Milton: '''Opening up the frozen pizza! ''(Milton opens up a box of frozen pizza) 'Milton: '''Oh, this looks good! ''(Milton unwraps frozen pizza) 'Milton: '''Oh! ''(Liz's co-workers talking on other end) '''Milton: '''Hello? '''Male Co-Worker: '''Uh, she went to look for you and she can't find you... '''Milton: ''(furiously) I'm in the frozen food section! It's getting cold! Please put her on the phone! I'll give her better directions as to where I am! '''Male Co-Worker: '''Okay, hang on... '''Milton: '''Put her back on the phone! '''Liz: '''You know what? I cannot find you anywhere in the store... '''Milton: '''I'm trapped in the frozen food section! I feel like I'm going to freeze to death! ''(cries) 'Liz: '''Are you-? You know what, listen to me very carefully... '''Milton: '''I have to go to the bathroom, too! '''Liz: '''Listen! Stop talking! Listen! '''Milton: '''What?! '''Liz: '''Listen! '''Milton: '''Yes! '''Liz: '''You must be caught in the wrong store! '''Milton: '''No! I'm in your store! '''Liz: '''What's the name of my store? ''(Milton unzips his pants) 'Milton: '''Okay! Gotta go to the bathroom! Hold on a minute! Ho... ''(Milton urinates in the freezer) 'Milton: '''Going to the bathroom in the frozen food case! '''Liz: '''Where are you? '''Milton: '''Too cold! ''(sighs) (Milton stops urinating) 'Milton: '''I always thought your store was number one, and now I've done number one in your store! Okay, I'm gonna try to muster up a little more energy to try to kick the door open with my feet! Okay! Here we go! Three! Two! One! ''(Milton kicks the freezer door down; glass shatters; Milton grunts) 'Milton: '''Okay! I'm out! We've got a cleanup on aisle five! Goodbye! ''(Milton hangs up) (ringback tone) Category:Prank calls